Finn – In the Woods

remember how he loved you

5.14.26 ~ Elm Grove Cemetery, Mystic, Connecticut
photo by Larisa

It rained all day on May 14th. I didn’t take a single picture for the entire day. But I’m glad Larisa captured this last moment Finn had with his Grandpa, checking to see how heavy his ashes were. The two of them shared a birthday and were two peas in a pod. I will never forget how much fun it was to watch them playing together.

I chose to bury Tim’s ashes in Elm Grove Cemetery because it is located in the county where we lived for 47 years of our marriage, and because the plot was purchased by my 2nd-great-grandfather, who lies buried there with his own parents and great-grandparents and other relations. They all also lived in southeastern Connecticut, and there is still room there to bury ashes, so it seemed like a good choice. Tim & I took many walks in this beautiful cemetery, which sits on the banks of the Mystic River, just north of Mystic Seaport.

We may fear change or we may embrace it, but the planets turn, life goes on, the Great Cycles continue. These cycles move Nature and our lives through death and rebirth, through containment and release, through holding and letting go. The seed pod tightens and hardens around its precious cargo, then it breaks and releases the new life into the waiting earth.
~ Philip Carr-Gomm
(Inspiration for Life, May 25, 2026)

image credit: Wolf Rock Nature Preserve website

Later in the day we all drove up to Wolf Rock in Mansfield, our northeastern Connecticut hometown, to scatter some of Tim’s ashes along with the remaining ashes he had kept of his brother, Toby. Still raining, it was a quarter-mile hike up very rocky and very muddy terrain through the woods to the glacial erratic where Tim and his brothers used to hang out as teens. Tim and Josh scattered some of Toby’s ashes here in December 2013, but now Dan, Matt and Jed had a chance to be here to scatter the rest of them.

The next day, on May 15th, we held an afternoon celebration of life at the Zbierski House at “our” little city beach. Besides the family, we were now joined by old friends and neighbors and lots of Tim’s buddies from the ham radio clubs he belonged to. It was wonderful. I had spent weeks working on a slide show of Tim’s life which was playing on a TV continuously and started many pleasant conversations and quite a few trips down memory lane…

Below is one of my favorite pictures, taken before the first heart attack and the battle with heart disease began. The fun, empty nest, middle-aged period of our lives. He was 51 and only just beginning to go gray…

Zbierski House at Eastern Point Beach ~ photo by Jenn

I feel more settled now that Tim’s ashes have been returned to the earth and that his family got to be together to say good-bye. The trip was grueling for me physically but somehow I made it and the emotional healing was worth the effort. I’m still incredibly sad and lonely for him but am learning how to carry the grief. How to take walks without him pointing things out to me…

I think my last hurdle will be resuming family history research. It’s going to be hard not having him in the next room, doing ham radio stuff, but always ready to drop everything when I came in to share new discoveries with him. I still have those last three boxes to go through… And several other projects waiting in line…

sunset from the Zbierski House ~ photo by Jenn

the harvest of a troubled year

Hard, hard it is, this anxious autumn,
To lift the heavy mind from its dark forebodings;
To sit at the bright feast, and with ruddy cheer,
Give thanks for the harvest of a troubled year.

From the apprehensive present, from a future packed
With unknown dangers, monstrous, terrible and new—
Let us turn for comfort to this simple fact:
We have been in trouble before . . . and we came through.

~ Edna St. Vincent Millay
(Thanksgiving…1950)

the adventure continues

5.10.25 ~ anniversary card from Nate & Shea

Our vacation rental overlooked Carolina Beach Lake, once listed in Guinness World Records as the freshwater lake closest to salt water. It’s an 11-acre lake surrounded by a walking path, located only two blocks from the ocean. There is a great playground for the kids at one end of it. And plenty of ducks and geese to see, plus a couple of shorebirds for me. In spite of the gray skies, a few showers, and a huge downpour on Sunday morning, many walks were taken around this beautiful lake.

5.10.25 ~ Carolina Beach Lake
great blue heron

flowers from Larisa to brighten things up

While stuck inside we talked and played board games. I got a chance to do some quiet reading with Kat, and read part of one of her graphic novels. Recently I had taught her how to play mancala and so we played again and then taught it to Finn, and then to Nate & Shea, and then to Larisa. It’s very addictive!

5.11.25 ~ Carolina Beach Lake
Canada geese after a windy downpour

Dima went out to a fish market and picked up some fresh flounder for our anniversary dinner. He’s a great cook and I so appreciated the delicious fish, and not having to go out to a restaurant where it would have been terribly awkward for me, needing to bring my own special food. Larisa & Dima put together a delicious meal for everyone! I’m grateful for all the hard work they did making it a special day for us and am also grateful to Nate & Shea for making the long trip up to spend some precious quality time with us. 💙

longleaf pine and sand dune forest

5.10.25 ~ Carolina Beach State Park
Carolina Beach, North Carolina

For our anniversary our daughter treated us to a weekend getaway at the shore, and our son and daughter-in-law came up from Georgia to join us!

Dima is still an avid climber and his children are likewise inclined

Things didn’t go exactly as planned. Tim’s shortness of breath has returned and now he has a cough that might also be related to his diastolic heart failure. (He’s had additional tests and the cardiologists still don’t have any answers.) So we knew ahead of time that he wouldn’t be able to take this long morning walk with me.

It wound up being an afternoon walk because I wound up sick with a flare-up that morning. I needed several hours to recover while the rest of the crew enjoyed visiting, and some time spent at a nearby playground and a walk down to the beach.

When I finally rallied Nate took some of us for a short ride in his huge truck — quite a thrill for me! Arriving at Carolina Beach State Park we then walked about three miles, looking for Venus flytraps in their native habitat and a 50′ high sand dune overlooking the Cape Fear River. The weather was lovely with comfortable temps and just a few drops of rain near the end.

coastal plain forest,
most of our walk looked like this

an abundance of huge pine cones along the trails
provided Finn with plenty of kicking options

The cones of longleaf pine are the largest of the southern pine and range in size from 5 to 12 inches in length. Because of their large size, only animals like the fox squirrel are sizable enough to manipulate and open the longleaf pine cones to eat the seeds before they fall to the ground.
~ The Longleaf Alliance website

reaching the top of the 50′ Sugarloaf Dune

resting at the top of the dune,
looking out over the Cape Fear River

a tree trunk that must have some story to tell…

The urge to run down the dune to the river proved to be irresistible for the kids, but Nate and I continued to rest at the top, and discussed possible routes back to the parking lot. Tried to get some pictures between all the trees with the zoom lens. Not sure if I’ve ever seen a dune covered with a forest before.

lichens and Spanish moss on some of the tree branches

We basically decided to retrace our steps and never did see any Venus flytraps. But, there were lots of pitcher plants in the area where the flytraps were supposed to be. And, as we got back close to the parking lot Finn spotted a broad-headed skink hiding in the leaves.

It was fun climbing up into the truck for the short ride back to the vacation rental. I was so happy to have shared this walk with my son who I don’t get to see often enough. A happy memory to cherish. Each one is precious, and all the more so the older we get.

strawberries and two more trolls

4.29.25 ~ Eno River Farm
(inside the giant troll’s mouth)

A month after we went tulip picking at this farm we came back with our grandchildren and their parents for some strawberry picking. This was their first visit, in spite of having lived in the area for many years. Of course, Kat and Finn noticed the half-buried giant troll right off the bat and wasted no time running up the hill and climbing up and down his legs and getting into his head.

look at those nostrils!
(good thing the troll didn’t sneeze)

While the kids played Dima waited in a very long line to get a bucket for strawberry picking. Then he led the gang way out into the field, at the direction of a staffer, who assigned them a row, and gave them detailed instructions. We came along with Larisa at a much slower pace and finally spotted them when Kat waved to us, and I got this picture with a zoom lens. This was larger than any strawberry field I’d ever been to in Connecticut!

I still can’t get over how early strawberry picking season comes here! On our way back to the store to pay for our haul we passed by some blueberry bushes. Maybe we’ll be back some day to pick blueberries — I wonder what month that will be in…

The plan was to play on the troll again while Dima waited in line again to pay for the full bucket. As Kat and I went on ahead of the others, and she a bit ahead of me, she circled back to me and exclaimed, “Grammy, there’s another troll in the woods!” So I followed her as quickly as I could. Up another path we found two more giant trolls, not quite as big as the half-buried one, but these were completely above ground.

Our best guess is that the troll catches children in the cage and then keeps them in the “guest” house he stands guard over.

Eventually the others caught up and Kat was very proud to show them what she had discovered. I never would have noticed these extra trolls.

The line for ice cream was too long to wait in so we decided to go into Hillsborough and find a small ice cream shop. Good choice! Had to get those strawberries home sooner than later. 😉

a forest spirit

Last night we attended a reception at the Chapel Hill-Carrboro City Schools district Visions Art Show with Kat, to see which of her creations her art teacher had submitted. This is Kat’s interpretation of Totoro, an animated nature spirit from one of her favorite movies, My Neighbor Totoro, a sweet Japanese animated fantasy film about two young sisters, Satsuki and Mei, who meet Totoro and other friendly spirits while their mother is sick and in the hospital for an extended stay.

After the others went outside to watch Finn practicing cartwheels on the lawn, Kat and I lingered in the hallways to view and appreciate all the other art on display, so much creativity and variety from kindergarten to high school. We were the last to leave!

a praying mantis

Finn’s praying mantis
11.1.24 ~ North Carolina Botanical Garden

On Tim’s and Finn’s birthday the grandkids happened to have a day off from school, so we took them to the botanical garden so they could participate in a sculpture scavenger hunt designed for children. After we had located all but two of the selected sculptures we were stumped. Katherine and I went to the outdoor information booth to get an adult map to help us with a little detective work. But Finn and Tim went inside to ask for help inside the welcome center.

While inside there Finn spotted this praying mantis walking across the floor! Tim asked for a piece of paper and they offered the insect a ride outside to the garden on the sheet, which it accepted. After letting if off in the greenery Tim got this picture with his cell phone. Surely a token of good luck for grandfather and grandson on their shared birthday!

picking apples

Sometimes it hits me how much I miss celebrating the seasons of the year in New England. Strawberry picking in the field and beach sunsets for midsummer, apple picking in the orchard and visiting the old-fashioned cider mill at the autumn equinox, picking out a Christmas tree at the local tree farm before the solstice, visiting a sugar house and stocking up on maple syrup for the coming year on the spring equinox…

This year my daughter Larisa hosted a wonderful feast for Lughnasa/Lammas, complete with a loaf of challah bread in honor of the first harvest festival. Katherine read the poem I posted on my blog that morning before we started eating. Later, as we were finishing up one of the guests suggested we go apple picking from a neighborhood tree. I was startled and found myself blurting out for the second time this year, “I’m having trouble adjusting!” And then added, as if to explain to the puzzled group, “Apple-picking is for the autumn equinox!”

The first time I blurted that out was back in March, when everyone down here was busy picking strawberries. I had to explain then that to me, picking strawberries happens in June and means the summer solstice. To me. This is proving to be a most difficult adjustment for my brain.

For Lughnasa we used to visit Buttonwood Farm, walk through their huge sunflower field, go on a hayride and stand in a long line for ice cream made right there on the farm. This year, I joined my daughter and her guests for a short walk to a solitary little apple tree. I watched my grandchildren climb it and pick some apples. On the first day of August. (Sadly, I had left my camera at home, missing a great photo op…) My brain is still perplexed but hopefully some day I will find a way to adjust!

a midsummer day

6.20.24 ~ solstice sunrise in Bolin Forest

Living in a heavily wooded neighborhood I only get a peek through the trees to catch a sunrise. It happened at 6:00 am on the summer solstice here. Hours later, for solar noon I took my flower fairy out to the moss garden for a little photo shoot. There was a small patch of sunlight available to highlight the very short shadow she was casting.

1:17 pm, solar noon
shortest shadow of the year!

As I was photographing the fairy, mama deer brought her fawn by to check out the scene. It was so hot outside!

In the evening, for some reason, the dew point dropped and even though it was still hot, it became much less humid. Midsummer magic? We packed up the grandchildren and headed to the Piedmont Wildlife Center. None of us had been there before and they were having a summer solstice celebration. What a great time we had! We got a closer look at some of the birds and turtles in rehab.

Katherine showed a lot of interest in the raptors and Finn was enchanted with the turtles.

We were all delighted with Pumpkin, a sweet little opossum. She’s full grown but only about a third of the size of an average adult. She had a rough start in life. The kids asked all kinds of questions, like, does she eat ants? The answer was not usually, unless they happened to be on something else she was eating, kind of like pepper or another seasoning. And opossums only eat the ticks that are in their fur when they’re grooming themselves.

We had a little walk through the woods and saw a few more birds and animals tucked inside their enclosures. Eventually we got to the solstice campfire where the kids could make their own s’mores. A man playing his guitar gently on the side added to the peaceful mood.

Katherine displaying one of her perfectly roasted marshmallows

After a while we were invited to participate in a little solstice ritual: writing on a piece of paper what we wished to let go of from the old year and what we wanted to welcome into the next year. Then we burned our papers in the campfire. It was a meaningful way to pause and take stock of our intentions. I noticed Katherine took it very seriously while Finn, being four years younger, was naturally interested in other things.

The plan was to go to Maple View Farm next, for ice cream and to view the sunset. But, we finished our ice cream (sorbet for me) an hour before the sun was due to set, so we called it a day and headed home. It was wonderful celebrating the summer solstice for the first time with our grandchildren.