photo by Jon
In May I took a whirlwind trip to Cape Cod and Connecticut to scatter and bury Tim’s ashes. Five intense days of sharing memories and enjoying the family and friends and activities that Tim used to love. It’s taking me a while to recover but I’ve decided to share a few pictures here to help me remember.
On May 11th, 27 of us headed out to Race Point Beach in Provincetown where I scattered some of Tim’s ashes on the beach where he spent many of the happiest days of his life. Tim’s brother Dan shared stories of their childhood adventures in P’town. And many in the gathering took turns spontaneously sharing their favorite memories. Moments after I scattered Tim’s ashes, we heard the particular call of a laughing gull flying overhead, gently reminding me of Tim’s wonderful sense of humor.
While we were there we took advantage of the opportunity, with all of Tim’s remaining brothers gathered, Dan, Matt, Jed, and Josh, to scatter some of their father’s ashes. Erik had died back in 2008 and also had close ties to Provincetown. And Tim’s cousin Allegra scattered some of her mother’s ashes there on the sand, too. Her mother was Tim’s beloved Aunt Delorma, who died in January, only three months after him.
We all have such happy memories of vacationing at the family home in Provincetown. The current owner of 180 Bradford St. was very gracious to allow us to leave two memorial blown glass hearts in the garden. Allegra sculpted them, with some of their ashes inside, the red one is Tim’s.
The next day, Fran, Allegra and I had an amazing family history adventure, locating 72B Commercial St., where Tim and Dan’s 2nd-great-grandparents, Elijah & Zipporah Rodgers had lived. When Tim and Dan were kids they were taken to the house and met the widow of his great-granduncle, Capt. Neadom Oscar Rodgers (1876-1953), Aunt Lil, and Neadom’s son Oscar. (Oscar was Aunt Lil’s stepson.) Allegra was also taken there, as a very small child, on a separate occasion. Tim showed me the place on our honeymoon but my memory of its location got very fuzzy.
As we were checking it out a man came down the grass-covered lane it was located on and, after explaining who I was, I asked him a few questions. One thing led to another and the next thing we knew we were sitting in the dining room of an elderly neighbor who has lived there his whole life and remembered Aunt Lil Rodgers and playing in the lane. Aunt Lil died in 1979. The information we got from him led me to find more information about the house and its occupants online.
That afternoon I took a walk on Beech Forest Trail with my sons and nieces and nephew and some of their spouses. (No one in my generation was up for the hike!) I told them the story of Tim & me taking this walk on our honeymoon, and how we took it again after getting our first digital camera in 2009. The picture of the squirrel on the sidebar of this blog came from that walk, and was my first taste of enjoying nature photography. Sadly, this time, I, and some of the others, came back with a tick.
I’m thinking the universe may be trying to tell me that fewer nature walks and more genealogy research will be my new direction in life…
At the end of this mile-long loop walk my sons discovered a poem by one of my favorite poets under glass on the top of a picnic table. They brought me back to see it and it seemed like a beautiful reflection of my mood about the changes in focus I’m going through in my life.
For example, what the trees do
not only in lightning storms
or the watery dark of a summer’s night
or under the white nets of winter
but now, and now, and now – whenever
we’re not looking. Surely you can’t imagine
they don’t dance, from the root up, wishing
to travel a little, not cramped so much as wanting
a better view, or more sun, or just as avidly
more shade – surely you can’t imagine they just
stand there loving every
minute of it, the birds or the emptiness, the dark rings
of the years slowly and without a sound
thickening, and nothing different unless the wind,
and then only in its own mood, comes
to visit, surely you can’t imagine
patience, and happiness, like that.
~ Mary Oliver
(Can You Imagine?)
…to be continued
🙏🏼 A huge undertaking, I imagine, but easier with so much support. I’m glad you are held so warmly. 💕
Me, too. I have much to be thankful for. 🙏 💙
This looks like the perfect memorial gathering filled with memories and love. Your family will treasure your genealogy efforts and I have a feeling there will still be many nature walks in your future. Your photos are so beautiful.
Thank you, Anna. I have to admit I was disappointed with all the rain spoiling my photography plans, but my heart stayed open to other things that were happening. 🙏 💙
Barbara, this was a wonderful way to send off Tim, (as well as other family members), with multiple generations and extended family present as well. I especially like the poignant picture of Nate and you, arm in arm. That is so nice you were able to put Tim’s red glass heart in the garden and the other heart as well. How wonderful you were welcomed into a neighbor’s home and glean information for further genealogy explorations, a hobby which you love. But, I wouldn’t discount that other hobby you love, nature photography, due to ticks. Perhaps the real woodsy areas might deter you until it gets colder, but you love the botanical gardens too and they’re not so woodsy … and of course, the birds right outside your window, or those inquisitive does and fawns on your porch steps.
I love that picture of Nate and me comforting each other, too. It was nice of Jon to capture that moment because I was not getting any pictures at the scatterings and the burial. But I treasure the memories of those five wonderful days, even though I know they will fade without the pictures to help me remember.
I’ve only been to the botanical garden a couple of times, very briefly, since Tim died. It still feels too gut-wrenching to be there without him. I’m having trouble with both the nature photography and the family history research, because Tim was so much a part of those endeavors, I seem to have lost the desire to do either without him. Maybe that feeling will pass with time. I hope so. 🙏 💙
Now that the hot and humid weather has arrived there, you probably will be spending more time indoors than ever and also avoiding ticks, so maybe after some time, you’ll be encouraged to delve into what you learned while in the living room of the neighbor who had so much information. Give yourself some time … but for now, be easy on yourself, do some bird watching at your window. {{{Hugs}}}
Yes, cabin fever has already set in for the summer – sigh. Thank you so much for the hugs!!! I have been treating myself to a Netflix movie every afternoon. I’m sure the urge to roll up my sleeves and tackle the family history will come back to me sooner or later.
You’re so welcome for the hugs. I think it will be a long Summer weather-wise for everyone due to this Super El Nino. We are going to be in the 90s the end of this coming week and it will also be stormy. We had 11 days in a row of gorgeous weather. I don’t have cable, but I have a few movies I want to watch on Amazon Prime … they used to be free but now they charge for them. Did you watch “Remarkably Bright Creatures” with Sally Field on Netflix? I know it debuted on Mother’s Day, but I don’t know if it is still available. I watched the trailers for it on YouTube and it looked good, so when I saw the book at the grocery story I bought it and am reading it now.
How wonderful to be able to explore and find so much from Tim’s family’s past. As I stated in my other comment I hope it helps bring you some peace.
I hope you do continue your nature walks, even short ones. I always enjoy your photos and narratives.
We just missed being on the Cape at the same time! I was there for Mother’s Day weekend.
Maybe in the fall when the brutal heat, humidity and ticks subside I’ll entertain the idea of nature walks again. I thought of you a few times while I was on the Cape. On Wednesday the 13th we traveled from Provincetown to Mystic, stopping along the way in Dennis to visit my parents’ and grandparents’ graves, and to drive up and down Depot St where my grandparents lived. I think your mom lives in Dennis or one of the neighboring towns…
She is close to Dennis – South Yarmouth